Hello, I'm Maria, 33 years old, married,and a mother of four children. My problem revolves around my sister in law, who is single and intentionally drives me crazy, she deliberately provokes me in front of my husband and the rest of the family, in the beginning, I was very friendly with everyone and treated her kindly, even helping her and supporting her whenever she needed it, but none of that mattered to her.
She constantly tries to undermine my self confidence and make me look like a fool in front of others, especially in front of my husband, she comments on my cooking, saying it's too salty or tastes bitter and unpleasant, she boosts her own spirits whenever she notices my discomfort with her remarks.
Moreover, she tries to turn my husband against me, telling him to save money for the future and that I'm wasteful and don't know how to manage household affairs, i even found out she tells him that I’m extravagant when cooking and wasteful when cleaning by using large amounts of soap and air fresheners, which she claims are useless.
Additionally, my sister in law is overly interested in knowing all about my outings with my husband, like where we went and which restaurant we dined at, she even interrogates my children when they visit their grandparents to extract information about me.
Sometimes I think she might be jealous of me, even though she's beautiful and holds a prestigious job, she constantly tries to tarnish my image in front of my husband, asking me in front of him: why have you gained weight?, Why does your skin look tired? ,there’s a stain on your clothes, her deliberate actions to annoy me are driving me insan, I'm a kind person and never retaliate, i just ignore her, however, i tell my husband everything she does to me, which now annoys him, and he asks me to stop talking about it.
My self confidence has hit rock bottom, and I feel discouraged whenever I think about seeing her at my mother in law’s house, especially since I’m forced to meet her there during family gatherings where she seizes every opportunity to embarrass and provoke me, i’ve also noticed that my in laws have started to look down on me because of her.
My question is: how can I maintain my dignity and earn her respect after all she has done to me, or should I continue ignoring her? I need a way to ease my heart and make her think twice before repeating these behaviors, keep in mind that our conflict has been ongoing for years, and whenever we reconcile, she goes back to her old habits, she even admitted once that she hates me, please enlighten me.
Response to the Question:
Welcome to our website Marry Me, and thank you for turning to us for advice and guidance on resolving family relationship issues, regarding your problem titled My sister in law is purposely making me go crazy, how do I deal with her? the response is as follows:
First and foremost, you should realize that constantly complaining to your husband about his sister's actions won’t help you at all, it will only make him distance himself from you and see you as a weak woman who knows nothing but to complain and grumble all day long, he won’t stand up for you against her, nor can he stop her from bothering you,the only person who can do that is you dear.
Secondly we would typically advise you to ignore her and not focus on everything your sister in law says until she gets tired and stops bothering you. However, in this case, this woman doesn’t seem to respond to kindness, she needs to be treated in the same manner she treats you for her to stop.
For example, if she starts commenting on your food, respond with something like: why don’t you cook for us so we can taste your delicious food?, Then laugh to provoke her, if she gets annoyed, tell her, i’m just joking, why are you upset? and laugh again.
Don’t stay silent anymore, every time she provokes you, respond back with something that makes her shut her mouth, even if you’re not good at such comebacks, trust me, you’ll learn with practice, shake her confidence by saying things like, why is your skin so dry?, why do you have wrinkles on your face?, why does your face look pale?, why are you so thin? Are you sick?, this will reduce her arrogance and make her feel insecure.
Don’t give her much attention while she talks, avoid looking at her and deliberately ignore her so she knows her silly comments and provocations are worthless.
Avoid interacting with her completely unless it’s necessary, and even if this annoys your husband and his family, they’ll eventually get used to it, over time, they will accept it, remember that nothing in the world is worth exhausting your thoughts, emotions, or mind over.
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