My mother in law is intrusive and turns my husband against me, what should i do?

An intrusive mother in law

intrusive mother in law

Marriage is often a matter of luck, some women are fortunate to marry a man who treats them like a queen, he cares for her, supports her financially, remains faithful, and does not allow anyone to harm or speak ill of her, on the other hand, some women are not as lucky in choosing a life partner, they may find themselves married to a stingy husband, an unfaithful one, or worse, a weak willed husband who blindly follows his mother's words.  

In such cases, the mother in law often works behind the scenes to turn him against his wife while pretending to be innocent in front of her, before discussing how to deal with an intrusive mother in law who manipulates your husband, let's first go through the signs that confirm she is indeed poisoning your marriage.  

Signs that your mother in law is intrusive and turning your husband against you  

Read these signs carefully to confirm any suspicions you may have about your mother in law:  
  • She constantly tries to know every detail about you, where you go, whom you talk to on the phone, what you cook, and who visits your home.
  • She remains in constant contact with your husband, even when he is at work, as if she can’t relax without knowing every detail of his day.
  • She interferes in your home affairs, sometimes going as far as rearranging furniture or criticizing how you organize your house.
  • A major sign of an intrusive mother in law is her obsession with your reproductive life, she may ask about your menstrual cycle or whether you are using birth control, as she is desperate to know if you are pregnant.
  • Your husband’s attitude changes after visiting his mother, he comes home irritated or distant, often for no apparent reason.
  • He somehow knows details about events he wasn’t even present for, because his mother narrates everything to him in detail.
  • He insists that you only attend family gatherings if his mother is present, ensuring she can monitor your every move and interaction.
  • She is jealous of you, especially if your husband shows you love and care, this jealousy manifests in passive aggressive behavior.
  • Your husband starts accusing you of things that aren't true, such as being wasteful with money or not managing the household well, things his mother likely told him.
  • Over time, your husband stops treating you with the same love and tenderness he once did, instead, he becomes colder, more distant, and quick to argue, all because of the negativity his mother feeds him.
  • She doesn’t just turn your husband against you, she also tries to turn the entire family, including his father and siblings, against you, believing you stole her son from her.  

How to deal with an intrusive mother in law who turns your husband against you  

Once you recognize these signs and confirm that your mother in law is indeed manipulative, it is crucial to remain calm, patient, and strategic, reacting impulsively can make matters worse, here are the best ways to handle the situation and maintain peace in your marriage:  

  • Never share your secrets with her, avoid telling your mother in law personal details about your life or marriage, do not reveal future plans or places you intend to visit, as she may use this information against you.
  • Ignore her intrusive behavior, don’t give her words or actions too much importance, avoid engaging in unnecessary drama or letting her stir up conflicts.
  • Always treat her with respect, no matter how she behaves, she is still your husband’s mother, if you disrespect her, your husband will inevitably take her side, instead, set clear boundaries without being rude or hurtful.
  • Make your husband aware of the dangers of listening to outsiders, help him understand that allowing others to interfere in his marriage can destroy it, share examples of other men who lost their marriages due to family interference without directly mentioning his mother.
  • Reassure your mother in law, let her know that you are not taking her son away from her, encourage your husband to remain close to his mother and treat her with kindness, if she feels secure in her relationship with him, she may stop trying to interfere.
  • Involve her in minor decisions, ask for her opinion on trivial matters that won’t impact your marriage, this will make her feel valued and respected, which may reduce her desire to meddle in more important aspects of your life.  
By following these steps, you can navigate the challenges of dealing with a difficult mother in law while maintaining a strong, loving relationship with your husband.
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